“Maureen, come and look at this knob head, comparing him finally updating his scarcely-read shitty little blog to the most anticipated literary sequel of our generation. No I haven’t read it, either. Apparently that Abbacus fella joined the KKK and started burning crucifixes outside the houses of the black folks. Bit uncalled for really, if you ask me, but suppose she had to have a twist in the tale somewhere.”
Did you miss us?
After the Wigan game, having been caught up in a faux-euphoric, alcohol-laden haze, having opted to spend much of the second half laughing at the situation rather than crying, we were going to publish a match report as if we had actually won.
You know, for a laugh. Like one of them ‘banter’ websites they have these days.
But when the hangover cleared, thinking about the game was a painful enough experience, let alone writing about the fucking thing.
So much so, that a holiday was needed, so while you lot were debating whether we were really good or Hull were really shit, yours truly was sat in his budgie smugglers, sipping cocktails and looking at the scantily clad beauties on the Costa Del Sol.
The holiday blues were too much to bare without making the trip to Huddersfield to watch us get bummed the day we landed back and Catalans essentially granted us a bye so we’ll skip that and just get stuck straight into the Saints game, if that’s alright with you.
What do you mean it’s not good enough? Bollocks to you, we’re doing it anyway. What do you want; a refund?
It was a reflection of our abysmal season and the general apathy towards the match that the away end was so sparse it resembled Hull KR away, but those that bothered to go at least enjoyed seeing the season out with a victory at Saints and further proof that this team can actually play rugby when they pull their finger out.
With nothing else to play for, politely informing Saints of how we rate their Grand Final aspirations while their players were huddled under the sticks yet again was as sweet as we could hope for.
It wasn’t just the final game of the season; in many ways, it was the end of an era. The great cup winning side from the turn of the decade has been pretty much entirely decimated now, with Joel Monaghan, Simon Grix, Chris Bridge and Richie Myler amongst those leaving the club.
It was fitting that Monas said goodbye with a try to maintain his 100% strike rate: 145 tries in 145 matches surely makes the bloke a bona fide club legend.
Fitting also were the last two tries; Roy Asotasi finishing his career with a try and a conversion and Kevin Penny, celebrating a new two-year deal, finally having a try given, having had four ruled out by the video referee prior.
Saints took the lead through Joe Greenwood, who always seems to score against us, but Wire responded and raced into a lead through tries from Johnson, Monas, Hill and Atkins.
Johnson’s in particular was a thing of beauty, with the ball shifted through hands before Stefan Ratchford slipped a neat pass back on the inside for the young full back to burst on to and level the scores.
Chris Hill racing 80 metres to score before the break was also a highlight of the game, though no doubt he won’t like to talk about it much.
Ryan Atkins crashed over for a break away try when Saints turned the ball over in their own half, before tries from Flanagan and Swift threatened to get them back into the game.
They didn’t, though.
Kieron Cartman said in the build up to the game that he expected Warrington to want to go out on a high with so many players leaving and they did just that in the end, with Penny and Asotasi finishing things off in style.
If you’re sat there thinking ‘oh God, it’s a shame the season’s over, I enjoy these little chats where you tell us what happened in a game we’ve already seen and read about elsewhere’, fret not dear friend, for we will be back very soon with a proper of end of season chat and we’ll probably have some bollocks to spout about the international matches.
In A Bit.